chasing light

the past few months i have been struggling with knowing WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT.

i found that i was all of a sudden in this weird limbo stage where i wasn't going to school yet and i couldn't really get a job back at my parents' house for only two months before i move out.

so do i move?

do i stay?

do i get a job?

do i continue what i'm doing?

do i stop all of that and go a different direction?

what should i do???

and... to add to that... it was CRUNCH TIME.

I HAD A TIME LIMIT TO FIGURE ALL THIS OUT.

CRAZY RIGHT??? 

#NotHelping.

if you remember my blog post a few weeks ago, 

i talked about making decisions.

which is easier said than done.

because the one thing i really rely on when making decisions wasn't working.

i was praying and i felt SO confused as to what i should do.

one second i felt like i was getting one answer and the next i was getting something else.

AND THEN

i would read my scriptures and it was like i was getting one answer and then i would read the next part and it was like something else!

I WAS LIKE 

"COME ON HEAVENLY FATHER YOU NEED TO BE CLEAR WITH ME HERE. 

I NEED YOUR HELP!"

and for a long time it seemed to be going this way.

i felt like the heavens were either closed or that they were messing with my brain and i had no idea what to do.

the time kept going by.

i continued just living my life and praying about things.

and i just decided to trust the process.

i started to wonder if i missed my shot.

if i was too late.

if i was doing the wrong thing.

because technically, if things would have gone to MY plan...

i would be moved out by may 1st. i would have a job. i would know what i'm doing. i would have all of the ducks in a row and things would be perfect.

but now it's the middle of may!

and i'm technically "16 days late" to have made a decision according to MY "time limit"

however. everything is coming into place.

things are working out.

and what i've done the past few weeks, going to interviews, spending time with family and friends up north, has been exactly what i needed.

i didn't need to rush.

heavenly father has the perfect timing.

there's no need for us to chase the light. but to let the light fall upon us.

because golden hour will always be at the right moment we need it.

and heavenly father knows that.

so we need to trust him.

and trust in his timing.

heaven doesn't exactly work at the same speed we do here on earth.

sometimes we are going to have to put our faith in the process and let it run it's course. 

my family and i have fasted and prayed for many things the past few months and i'm amazed at how everything works out in the end. even though we may be spending time worrying or stressing about something, heavenly father always comes in clutch at the moment we need him most.

the homework assignment that is due that day but the link isn't working,

gets fixed and the class is passed with an A.

the job i thought i lost,

called me back and i got the job!

the house i wanted to rent and move into may 1st,

isn't ready until a few weeks into may anyway.

mothers day watercolors went SO WELL,

it was SO NICE to be home in west point to hand-deliver them to most of the customers instead of having to mail them and have it be more expensive.

.

.

.

so even though i thought my life was falling apart and i had no idea what to do,

the one person who always knows, 

knew just when things would fall into place.

and it all worked out in the end.

like it always does.

and for that, heavenly father, i'm super grateful.

thank you.

thank you for your light in my life. 

(even when i try to force the light into my life and get too carried away... i'm still grateful)

xoxo // kenzie kaye 

striped button down dress // hope ave // gigi pip hat // similar see here or here // tassel earrings // similar see here  // pink heels // similar see here